the waiting game

something that i hate playing by the way.

the usp interview this morning was rather unexpected, as most interviews usually are. i assumed that the interview, considering that this is a rather elite and prestigious programme, would be long and detailed, with personal questions encompassing many different acpects of my life on top of questions associated with the programme itself. so naturally thats what i prepared for.

but from the get go, the interviewers seemed rather impatient, at one point even requesting that questions be answered as concisely as possible. they did ask what i expected (with the, contradictingly, expected curveball questions as well, which i had no way of preparing for) but i had to greatly condense what i was trying to say and show the interviewers.

plus i felt it to be too short. it felt like i was in there for only ten to fifteen minutes tops. is that enough?

there are times when you come out from an interview with a feeling of certainty, that you either got it or you didnt. unfortunately, i really do not know for certain how this interview went. both seemed really interested and visibly contented at some of my answers, but at the same time it felt like it was over before i even had a chance to begin.

it feels like i'm playing a game. i've rolled the dice, moved the counter and landed on chance, only someone else picked up my card before i could, and is now dangling my fate beyond reach.

can you tell me how to check for a hernia?

have you guys heard of dora the explorer? if you have then watch this. you'll love it. it's freaking hilarious.

classroom antics

today during my primary 6 english lesson, a student asked this really weird-cum-interesting question:

"cher, (what did you expect? mr. kishan?) how to know if you are matured?"

i laughed at first and then looked at him questioningly. let me first tell you that this interesting little query came almost immediately after talking about relationships à la b.g.r. naturally i surmised that he had probably overheard the fairer sex talk about maturity or he had heard from somewhere (gal friends? media? books?) that gals like mature men/boys.

i was totally tickled by his innocence. i replied that there was no way of testing maturity, but that it should kick in with age. i gave all that overused mambo jumbo about how gals usually mature faster than guys and that usually one can tell if someone is mature through actions and conversation.

i didnt really know what else to say but i was just smiling from ear to ear as i said it.

it's really amazing how this kids can just blindside you with their innocence. you stumble as you search for the answer and realise that you never really thought about it because you took it for granted. then you end up spouting rubbish that seems to be taken out from some ancient c.m.e. text, or worse, you might end up sounding like your parents.

as precarious as innocence can be in a classroom, i have to admit that it's damn cute.

somehow, 'dysfunctional' just doesnt cut it

the virginia tech massacre claimed 33 lives, including the south korean killer, cho seung-hui, who probably pulled the trigger on himself after feeling satisfied with 32, making it the most deadliest school shooting in the u.s. to date.

u.s. seems to be rampant with these sort of campus killings: the infamous columbine massacre, uni texas massacre and now this. it just seems so surreal that someone would want to do this. to walk in, greet everyone nonchalantly with a 'hello. how are you?' before casually letting one pop in the professor's chest and moving on to the rest of the student population.

how do students in the states study eveyday without fear that someone might just walk in with easily-purchased guns and let a whole barrage of bullets go flying? and even if it is suppressed, how the hell can you do it knowing that school, the second-home, can no longer be the haven than everyone thought it to be? in short, how can an ordinary american actually feel safe in schools?

and what is going on in these killers minds to pull of such a (heroic?) stupid act? in the columbine massacre, a popular theory is that computer games, media and pop cultural influence brainwashed eric harris and dylan kebloid into taking down 13 people before blowing their own brains out. other theories include insecurity, depression and plain angst with the popular jocks which somehow escalated to anger with the whole world. to the majority, these feelings may seem superficial and is something that most of us will grow out of once maturity sticks. but there are some that might react differently and their reaction may result in something deadly. should we target these lot? should we isolate them, away from us? after all it is for our own safety.

take cho for example. cho was an english major whose essays, according to lecturers, were violent, full or profanity and macabre. a teacher actually gave him an a- because she was afraid that she would anger him otherwise. another said that she would sooner have quit than be in the same class with him. students found him quiet, strange and spaced-out most of the time. his room mate found him staring at the blank wall one day for no apparent reason. he was even accused of stalking. professors and students reported this behaviour to the campus police and councillors but nothing was done. responding to a teacher's request, the university said that they could not withdraw him from a course unless he voluntarily drops out.

cho exhibited plenty of signs and even though these were all reported and made known to the relevant authorities, nothing substantial was really done to really curb his problems. could this have been prevented? could the university have done something more, maybe council him better, send him to a psych ward? can we do anything?

two days after the killings, nbc received a package from cho containing photos, videos and a manifesto. in it he declared his hatred for the rich claiming that they terrorised his soul and torched his conscience. furthermore, he abdolves all responsibility by saying:

'you had your chance and ways to avoid today. but you have decided to spill my blood. you forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. the decision was yours. now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off'.

he even made himself out to be some sort of martyr, likening himself to christ.

to watch snippets of the videos that he sent, go here. it actually made me feel uncomfortable. to have a glimpse of how weird cho really was, i've linked two of cho's plays here: mr brownstone and richard mcbeef.

this kid was definitely a few short of a dozen.

oh joy

i dont know if any of you have noticed but i have been pretty bumbed out since last week because i thought i was passed up for an interview with the university scholars programme (just a fancy shmancy name for a programme in nus i'm really interested in). when i reached home from work today (and almost every other day for the past week) and checked the mail, it was what it had been for the past few days: empty. i figured that they thought my admissions essay was a totally load of crap and i was just shoved into a corner, rejected.

a really discomforting feeling of familiarity...

however, i was wrong! the letter was lying on my desk when i reached home, screaming to be savagely torn open and read and re-read.

i got it! well it isn't actually it it, but it is the next step to getting there. the interview's scheduled for the 28th of april at 9 (freaking) am (all the damn way) at nus. i'm was so thrilled when i got the letter that i actually leapt like a school girl.

time to (hopefully) razzle and dazzle em'.

squiggly line

oh squiggly line in my eye fluid
i see you there, lurking on the periphery of my vision
but when i try to look at you, you scurry away
are you shy squiggly line?
why only when i ignore you do you return to the centre of my eye?
oh squiggly line, it's alright
you are forgiven.

-stewie griffin, family guy-

i find this highly hilarious. maybe it's one of those you-have-to-see-it moments so i found the clip for those interested.