out with the old/old is gold
a cousin of mine recently got married. he's my cousin from my dad's side of the family, so for those who know me well enough you'll know that we're not exactly chummy. polite smiles, uncomfortable silences, standard almost cue-card-like conversations... there's bound to be situations like that in every family right? well in my case, it the whole set of relatives on the paternal side.
but that's not what this is about...
the wedding was a very, very, very long affair; about 3 days, or at least the bit i was involved in. not continuously for 3 days but just spread out over. the wedding itself was really grand with lots of dancing from the groom's (my cousin's) house all the way to the reception hall where an old school hindu wedding was carried out. it was very entertaining at some points, especially the parts where we were told to dance... just because. it's like after certain points in the procession at the grooms home, we suddenly had to break out into a dance.
maybe i am getting ahead of myself.
the hindu wedding, or at least the one that im referring to, had several parts: a prayer at the groom's home just before he leaves to meet his betrothed, one just before he enters the wedding hall to meet the betrothed (in hindi its referred to as the door prayer. so you can almost imagine the groom at the doorstep of the bride's home, coming to marry her and take her away kinda scenario) and lastly, the sh-bang, the wedding itself... yes the one you see in hindi movies where the walk around the fire and all that.
let me tell you though that bollywood has thankfully but down a 4 hour procession (just the last bit mind you was 4 hours) to mere minutes, unless of course a showstopping bollywood number is sandwiched somewhere between.
now that we have the order down let me get to my main beef with all this...
throughout these various prayers and processions, many strange things took place. for example, during one of the prayers, the groom had to make gestures with his and told to switch to other gestures as indicated by the priest during certain parts of the procession. he was also told to do a variety of things with various fruits and the bride's brother (haha... that statement is funny)
now the groom is 25/26 years old and he did not speak hindi well and he barely understood what or why he was doing what he was doing. most of it had to translated to him, at least what the priest said in hindi... most of the time he was jabbering in sanskrit.
even the processions themselves, the meaning behind them... do we really know what they mean? what they stand for? im very very sure my parents do not. my mother for one, belongs to the group of people who does things because it has always been the way. meaning to her seems secondary. it seems enough knowing that it is done. some of my aunts seem to know what they were supposed to be doing... in fact a couple seemed to be running the entire show which was pretty impressive. but i still wonder if they knew why they were doing whatever it is they were doing.
are there stories behind all these things? or maybe lessons? isnt it important to know all of it, especially since it is part of such an important time in your life? and what if, after learning all those things, those stories, those lessons, they dont resonant with you anymore? it just isnt who you are and not how you want to express your undying love to your wife/husband?
should we just carry on with traditions like these just because they are just that?
sigh... i guess it is important right? i mean this makes us who we are and it is a link to our past and our culture is something that should not be forsaken.
but it just seems all too complicated.
a cousin of mine recently got married. he's my cousin from my dad's side of the family, so for those who know me well enough you'll know that we're not exactly chummy. polite smiles, uncomfortable silences, standard almost cue-card-like conversations... there's bound to be situations like that in every family right? well in my case, it the whole set of relatives on the paternal side.
but that's not what this is about...
the wedding was a very, very, very long affair; about 3 days, or at least the bit i was involved in. not continuously for 3 days but just spread out over. the wedding itself was really grand with lots of dancing from the groom's (my cousin's) house all the way to the reception hall where an old school hindu wedding was carried out. it was very entertaining at some points, especially the parts where we were told to dance... just because. it's like after certain points in the procession at the grooms home, we suddenly had to break out into a dance.
maybe i am getting ahead of myself.
the hindu wedding, or at least the one that im referring to, had several parts: a prayer at the groom's home just before he leaves to meet his betrothed, one just before he enters the wedding hall to meet the betrothed (in hindi its referred to as the door prayer. so you can almost imagine the groom at the doorstep of the bride's home, coming to marry her and take her away kinda scenario) and lastly, the sh-bang, the wedding itself... yes the one you see in hindi movies where the walk around the fire and all that.
let me tell you though that bollywood has thankfully but down a 4 hour procession (just the last bit mind you was 4 hours) to mere minutes, unless of course a showstopping bollywood number is sandwiched somewhere between.
now that we have the order down let me get to my main beef with all this...
throughout these various prayers and processions, many strange things took place. for example, during one of the prayers, the groom had to make gestures with his and told to switch to other gestures as indicated by the priest during certain parts of the procession. he was also told to do a variety of things with various fruits and the bride's brother (haha... that statement is funny)
now the groom is 25/26 years old and he did not speak hindi well and he barely understood what or why he was doing what he was doing. most of it had to translated to him, at least what the priest said in hindi... most of the time he was jabbering in sanskrit.
even the processions themselves, the meaning behind them... do we really know what they mean? what they stand for? im very very sure my parents do not. my mother for one, belongs to the group of people who does things because it has always been the way. meaning to her seems secondary. it seems enough knowing that it is done. some of my aunts seem to know what they were supposed to be doing... in fact a couple seemed to be running the entire show which was pretty impressive. but i still wonder if they knew why they were doing whatever it is they were doing.
are there stories behind all these things? or maybe lessons? isnt it important to know all of it, especially since it is part of such an important time in your life? and what if, after learning all those things, those stories, those lessons, they dont resonant with you anymore? it just isnt who you are and not how you want to express your undying love to your wife/husband?
should we just carry on with traditions like these just because they are just that?
sigh... i guess it is important right? i mean this makes us who we are and it is a link to our past and our culture is something that should not be forsaken.
but it just seems all too complicated.
