i was reading lawrence's lady chatterley's lover one night in camp when i was struck by a thought. are emotions just something that are chemically induced by the brain or is there something more human to it? what does it mean to be happy or sad? is laughing and crying solely a physical response to hormones that are being pumped? surely there has to be something more than just that, or is that what we all are at the end; servant to our own body?

in february's issue of national geographic, the magazine paid homage to st. valentine with a cover story about the science of love. i'm sure this was definitely not what the poor saint was expecting but it was extremely enlightening.

the article talks about the chemistry involved when a person is in love, stating that a person in love releases dopamine, a natural chemical released by the body. this lovely little piece of god's creation is the one that allows you to stay up all night with your lover to watch the sunrise without thinking about sleep, the one that makes you do crazy things and take uncalculated risks for that one special someone. this is the proverbial butterfly in that stomach of yours. in short, dopamine is the what cupid's arrow injects into you; the first hint of passion.

over time, that passion wanes (unfortunte but inevitable), that fire dies down to a comfortable temperature bodering on tepid because of children and responsibilites. now that dopamine-induced state is replaced by an oxytocin-induced one. oxytocin promotes a feeling of closeness and bonding, the kind of emotion related to hugging parents, children and close friends. passionate lovers become lifetime partners that care for one other. i'm taking for granted, of course, that this hypothetical marriage pans out all right in the end.

sounds extremely technical doesnt it? love is now nicely laid out in chemical terms. the crazy thing is that since it's all hormones and chemicals, cant we chemically induce this state and use these hormones for our own advantage? i mean there is (frightful) potential.

the high levels of oxytocin that are present in prairie voles (rodents) result in them being monogamous, sticking to one mate for life. when oxytocin receptors are blocked, the rodents tend to roam and go in search of more mates. therefore, oxytocin promotes monogamy. so cant we use this as a form of hormone therapy to 'treat' those who have a high tendency to infidelity? it'll help those involved and they'll definitely avoid a whole lot of messy divorce shit. in a way, this is securing security, and since oxytocin brings about feelings of closeness and bonding, the couple should be fine.

also, scientists found out that people in love have 40% less serotonin in their blood. (serotonin is a neurotransmitter believed to play a huge role in regulation of mood, appetite, sexuality and sleep). prozac (a bicoloured miracle anti-depressant pill for those suffering for depression and o.c.d.) on the other hand, increases the amount of serotonin in your blood. so when someone pops a prozac and the serotonin level goes up, he/she is basically placing a chemical wall between him/herself and love. according to nat geog, 'indigestion of drugs like prozac jeopardizes one's ability to fall in love - and stay in love'. the shrap edge just keep's getting duller. it also threatens a marriage as it takes the edge of love and the libido, making 'the relationship go stale'.

loose translation: anti-depressants are chemical love killers.

sure it all seems so dehumanised and love is placed under a microscope in a lab next to the ebola virus and the h5n1 strain of bird flu, but do you see what i mean when i say that there are possibilities? probably unethical possibilities, but they are there nontheless.

and this is just only love. can you imagine what can be done (or is already being done) to treat other 'disorders'? this makes the question of what is emotions and, in this case, what is love more critical and substantial. i have no choice but to give chemistry its due because to some extent we are slaves to our body but is that all emotions are about; properly sequenced chemical reactions leading to a right physical output? so if you win some competition and someone asks you why you are so happy, should your answer be 'i just came out tops in blah blah blah...' or should it be 'i'm doped up on dopamine in my mesolimbic pathway man!'

when i fall in love (or feel any other emotion) and experience all that signs and symptoms that results from chemical reactions in my brain and the rest of my body, is there anything in that? anything other than something you can reproduce in a lab with fancy named chemicals and a petri dish? maybe i'm just barking up a tree that really isnt a tree after all, or maybe i'm just splitting hairs but this sure got me thinking hard.

the video of my female alter-ego in all her glory is finally here.

god help me.

went for holi yesterday with my cousins and my siblings. if you have no idea what holi is about, just click on the link. in a nutshell, it's an annual hindu spring festival, celebrating the start of the hindu new year. in celebration, 'people go around until afternoon throwing coloured powder and water at each other'; kinda like a hindu foam party, minus the foam.

it was unexpectedly interesting and rather fun. and the best part is, you dont really have to be indian or a hindu to celebrate the festival. many non-indians/hindus were also present just to participate.

i really love it when other races and religons can actually take part in festivals that are not their own. it's such an experience. will upload the photos when i get em.

this week we were all on a budget and so decided to head on down to daph's place for dinner and movies. the night started off innocently enough; talking, food and of course the movie. after dinner, daph suggested calling macs for dessert and 45 minutes later i answered the door like this:

it all started with me making the phone order with some silly cheena accent, just for the heck of it. immediately after that someone (i think it was kit) suggested that i answer the door with a skirt on, and needless to say i was so for it, so we jumped into action. the next 45 minutes were a blur, filled with skirt-wearing, putting on a hoop earing, taking weird photos like the one above, striking poses, puting on shades and anticipating the arrival of our poor delivery man.

and when he finally came, kit and i (in all my splendour) went to answer the door. unfortuantely, he didnt give any noticable reaction. i think he may have known that this was some really weird joke or something. daph and mel were laughing fits in the living room (daph was even on the floor). it was really hilarious though, even if the guy didnt really react.

mel even made a clip of the aftermath of it all. i'll put up a link when he does so everyone can experience the joy of meeting my female alter-ego.

on a side note, watched nanny mcphee and i have to say that i really like british shows. they're all so talented and so witty and interesting.

every week i make it a point to meet up with the gang at least once. why? simply because i miss them and it's a chance for me to let loose and to be around people that i'm comfortable with. we laugh, talk about stuff from the serious to the seriously mundane and just goof off, and at the end, we leave for home smiling, having spent a wonderful day with friends.

but as in every single friendship, there are always undercurrents. there are always things that we dont say to one another. it could be that we're unhappy with something/one in the group, or that we disagree with something that someone said or that we just plain dont like some of the stuff that others do/say. the point is, we just keep it on the low, taking it in, like a sponge wiping away a stain.

but shouldn't friends talk about their problems, share it with others and come to a solution or a compromise that will please everyone? you know, like the stuff they teach you on barney, sesame street... the whole nine yards. but nothing is ever that easy, especially when we pry ourselves from the t.v. screen. so why the silence? we just want to avoid conflict as much as possible.

let's face it, we're happy: we crack jokes, enjoy each other's company, we are so suprememly comfortable with each other that it's probably banned in come countries. who would want to ruin that by bringing up something and laying it out on the table for everyone to get their hands dirty in? even if it's something that's not too big an issue, there's still the whole process of cleaning up that aforementioned proverbial table. a process that requires finding one's place in the group again, finding out what to do and what not to do and reaching that comfort level again. doesn't that sound tiring to you? doesn't it all feel so unnecessary all of a sudden? dont you just wanna not say anything? wouldnt you rather just keep it in you, all locked up, even though you know that it really isn't doing anything for your figure?

viola, reticence.

maybe this isn't such a bad thing. the group still functions and he/she will get to avoid a potentially huge mess and social reshuffle within the group. you still get the blaséd joy and laughter but we all know that a sacrifice is in order, and that is the sacrifice of the self. how much of that particular problem can you take? that of course differs individually. but if the problem is repititive then a 'blow up' is inevitable. now dont get me wrong, the phrase 'blow up' is not as explosive as it sounda. some might literally blow up aretha franklin style, others might just lose it and distance themselves and try to fix the problem by rummaging through various solutions, confide it others, or worst of all, back talking ensues with others in the same boat. but the point is, one can only take so much crap.

so to kinda sum up, there are always undercurrents between even the bestest of friends, people always want to avoid conflict (unless of course your surname's bush), everyone has a limit, a blow up is usually inevitable. with this in mind isn't it now easy to see and somewhat acceptable to note that in every friendship/relationship problems are expected and sometimes they will get ugly? i guess it's how you deal with it that makes or break a relationship.

so for now, the next time you're at a group gathering or an outing between close friends, just picture all of them as ticking social time-bombs, set to blow once thier cup runneth over.