oh man. its been 18 days since i last blogged. gosh. time bloddy well flies when school starts eh? anyway here's the low-down for the past 2 weeks plus:
daph called me up some time ago to discuss stuff that i blogged. she talked about one post that i made about frodo having sam and vice versa some time in dec. she said that she understood and she too was envious of frodo having sam and of not being able to be a friend as wonderful as him. but, she said that she will try her very best to be the best friend she can be. and well, you wouldn't believe how much i needed to hear that. it made me so much happier to actually hear someone say 'hey, dont you worry because i'm still here.' its times like those where i know that i am truly blessed with great friends.
also, i've decided not to feel so strongly about that mel and mei issue. in fact, i've decided not to feel anything at all. i spend so much time thinking about how i should feel that i totally just didnt care anymore. so well, that's that.
the newspaper sollection at school went good. we collected $13,500 plus. not bad in my opinion. though we were kinda far from the previous amount of $18,000 plus. still i'm happy. : ) its all for charity anyway. any amount (especially if its 5-digits to begin with) is good amount.
i gave up being the chemistry rep for my class. just too stressed out with being the interact president. one thing at a time eh?
recently daph called and said that she and pat kinda had a problem because of mel ng, daph's couz. i never knew pat could be so stubborn. it's kinda annoying, especially when daph is involved in this. she doesnt deserve this, with her being a selfess friend to begin with. makes me kinda irritated with pat sometimes. but hey, i dont really know him and he's the only company that daph has in poly. i guess i cant judge him as yet eh?
and hey guess what? my dad gave me a really interesting proposal about a week ago. he said that if i got into medical school, he give me return air tickets to anywhere in the world and $2K in cash. great huh? i dont think so. firstly, medical school? are you crazy? sure i'm aiming for that and all. but god, do you know how difficult it is? people say that i'm good academically and that it wont be a problem but seriously, i'm not Newton and it's really tough. and besides should i work so hard for something that i dont even know if i want to do in the future. i mean i dont know if i'm cut out to be a doctor. i'd still rather teach biology in a secondary school or jc. so much more fun. anyway, if i do get in, i've already decided where to go; new zealand, the home of lotr. lol. yea yea, lotr again. but c'mon, i really want to go there. the scenery and all. man, it would be fantastic. travelling alone and all, no one to tell you shit. the thought of it is just fantastic. the only thing that's in the way is 4'A's in the A levels. great huh? sheesh. (but you got to admit, it's a big motivating factor isn't it?)
now onto something serious, my perspective on change.
when i was in sec 2/3, i started watching wrestling and playing soccer (stuff that i dont really like mind you) just to click in with the guys. and, as expected, i hated it. i was trying to mould myself into something that i didnt like. it was going agaist who i am. how did i know? well, i just knew. it was a feeling of extreme discomfort. its like forcing a circular object into a square space. so i woke up one day and said, this is not me. i should do what i want and not follow so as to fit. i should be myself and find where i fit best with my personality. herein lay the start of my fear (or hatred) of change.
since then, i was very against change. maybe it was a side effect of that personal experince i had. what ever it was, i tried my very best to keep away form change or to avert from possibilities where change might arise. and if change were to arose because of inevitability, i would be sad and just plain down. an example would be graduation. i mean, yea i was happy about moving on, but still there was this horrible feeling of not wanting to. i just wanted to reamin in my known surroundings and not move to a new one. i wanted my usual cliques and not make new friends. it was hard, harder than anyone ever knew, but i pulled it of.
today, i was flippin thorugh channels and i finally stopped at nick (ch 32). as told by ginger was on and today's episode was about the fear and the inevitability of change. (what luck right?).
an exapmle was given where a butterfly was held trapped between the space of the hands this character. he said that, if you prevent something from being free or exploring certain changes it will probably never come back, but if you let it go, there is a high chance that it might.
now this made sense and it got me thinkning. it true that if i hold onto something for too long and live in the past, i wont move on and will forever be left in the past. but if i let go and move on, i'd probably learn more about myself and about the people around me. so now i'm confused? is change good, or is it still bad?
so i came up with a conclusion. change exerted by someone just to fit in and to accepted will never work because you just will never fit in. this can be a supported by a classic example of american teenagers trying to fit in with the quaterbacks or the cheerleaders (for god knows what reason). you will never be able to if you dont belong. it'll only hurt you bad in the end. however, i must accept that change is unavoidable. when change comes i must embrace it and i cannot live in the past. change is a good way to move on and progress in life. these unavoidable changes have to be accepted. denying them will only result in delay of progress and thus a larger gap with the real world will form.
also, i know that changes come unexpectedly and this quality of change can make change difficult. therefore, i should not look ahead at the intricacy of my life before me. instead i should enjoy every moment that i'm in so as to avoid being disappointed when change finally comes.

its the new year. haha. this is my first blogpost of the new year. its 2004. looking back to when i was in primary 6, i never thought i'd actually be alive to see 2004. i always expected the world to just end in 2000, and i'd die as a sorry virgin. lol.
2004 is the year where i'm officially turning 18 and it's also the year where i am now called J2. lol. i feel so damn old! i dont feel a day over 15.
anyways, my first few words of the year was, and i quote, 'what idiots'. i was critisising the s'poreans at the sentosa countdown which i was watching on the telly for they did not go in sync with the decresing digits that counted down to the new year and therefore, celebrated the new year a whole 1.5 seconds earlier. fools. (my that was a long sentence eh?)
the first day of school (the 2nd) started of okay. it went reasonably well. timetable looks great. i only get let of at 1715hrs on one day (monday). the rest its 1630hrs or 1415hrs. not bad when compared to my J1 timetable-from-hell. glad that's all gone.
the board meeting when all fine and dandy too. no gliches. (probably because the rotarians did not come!) it was carried out rather informally for such an event, but smoothly nontheless.
on sunday, the 4th, melvyn asked me out cos he was bored. we went to white sands where we ate dinner and sat and talked at coffee bean. (our usual stuff basically) it was that day that he metioned that he was gonna break up with his girlfriend. (i cant remember her name now) i asked why (somewhere in the conversation) and his reply was that he was sick and tired of her face. that's just probably how he talks (melvyn, ye with a heart of stone) but still it musrt have had some truth in it. he told me that he just stopped loving her of feeling what she felt for him. and all this happened after the talk mel had with his gf about being to open in public and moving too fast. that made me wonder; to my knowledge this is the first major problem that he and mei (ah, that's her name) has ever encountered. and after this problem surfaced, feelings changed, too quickly and in such a short time. sure, she is a little, what's the word, pushy and she blew the whole thing out of proportion. but still, in a relationship things should be mended together. and yes i understand that she was being difficult and a plain bitch about the matter, but still... in my opinion, stuff should have been done so a to prevent this matter from festering. it made me wonder if melvyn had ever liked her at all. that is until my guess was turned into a fact when he said that he was 'playing around'.
playing around.
what does one mean when this is said? to find out if the partner is suitable or not through courtship? yes, this is important. mel also mentioned that this part of their relationship was lacking as they moved to fast for him resulting in things that may not have happen to happen. but if you mean otherwise when you use 'playing around' that is to get a good snog and and have the attitude of 'how-far-this-can-take-me-for-some-load-of-fun' then well, that's just pathetic. i mean the latter for of the phrase is very disgusting, with two prongs of disgust for discussion.
firstly in my eyes the person will go down at least 3 notches in my respect zone because he is making use of other people. he is exploiting them to get whatever he/she wants. that is kinda wrong. i mean in a scenario where youre serious in a realtionship and your partner and you decide to have sex after months of courtship and then one day, you decide that you guys arent right for each other, in my opinion that's fine. its totally okay with me. sure we had sex but still, i realise that she wasnt the one. so what? if i know that she's not the one sooner or later she'll realise it too. what i'm talking about is different form the scenario. what i'm targeting are people called playboys, who seek to have 'chicks' so that they can gain popularity or some sort or recognition or name. there sre even some who'd go out with chicks and get it on and dump em immediately after. these people just wanna fuck every gal they know. seehs. it's preety dusgusting. they dont deserve an ounce of respect.
secondly, behaving as such only degrade women. men who are playboys treat women like trophies. they get the trophy, show it of, polish it now and then (if you get my drift) and then discard them away like alec bladwin throwing away a golden globe award. i mean, women are people too. it's really sad to know that there are some fuckers out there who think that women are ornamental items to be placed in a trophycase. it just degrades women and i believe that they dont deserve that.
personally i think that dating and finding out if she's the one and whether you have anything in common is extremely important. it helps with the sifting process. but to make use of a girl to get what you want, that's unacceptable.
moving back to melvyn, for i have digressed, as i usually do, (probably why i dont get good maks in gp essay). i think what he did was kinda wrong. a courtship was in order and melvyn knew that (though, obvioulsy a little too late). yet, he still jumped the gun and went for it in the first place. but maybe now he'll know better i guess. learn form your mistakes, blah blah blah, it what they use to say. and i hope he shall.
as for my perception of him, hasnt changed a bit. takes a whole lot more than just this to change that.