you see everything, you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which i'm ashamed
there's not anything to which you can’t relate
and you’re still here

beautiful.

-alanis morrisette everything-

Relationships... Love... Marriage ... All these are over-rated. All so over-rated. By the Media. Maybe that's why people get so unhappy about themselves when they snap back to reality. They compare their lives with sky rocket standards to that of the media. Those that are screened in movies. But no, movies, they are made. Made so that they would create this euphoric feeling to be instilled or to be injected in us. When it wears off, its tough. Just like drugs. Designer drugs.
(from teen4sale.blogspot.com)

i got this form a fellow singaporean blogger and i think that this gal couldnt be more right.

know the phrase 'when something goes wrong, everything else probably will' ?

i hate it when that turns out to be true.

just came back from the new national library. yup the much-boasted about 14-storey building next to bugis junction. unfortunately i was not really impressed.

sure its a good looking building and all and i heard that it has a hall thing or something going on where performances and conferences can take place, but hey, c'mon, a library is primarily about books.

much to my disappointment, most of the wonderfully fantastic books that they have are found in the reference section, meaning that this indian nerd cannot take the babies home! ergh. i was so frustrated. heaps of information in all those books and i was not allowed to take them out of the library to enjoy at home.

the frustration, coupled with the annoyingly large amount of people there, was, needless to say, overwhelming.

the only books i could borrow home were placed at b1 level. yes ladies and gentlemen, you heard me. out of 14 floors, only at the b1 level (which is not even one of the 14 floors) was i allowed to take books home. isnt it just plain dumb.

i was hoping for this to be the vatican city of libraries or something. someplace that we can find whatever we want or something close to it at least. i know i know, maybe i am expecting too much, but c'mon... 14 floors and all i can take home is a floor worth of books.

those performances and conferences better be good...

today's post is gonna be a little bit philosophical. yes yes, you're at the right blog. sheesh. a guy's gotta say what's on his mind ya know!

to destiny, do you say aye or nay?

destiny, as explained so kindly by www.dictionary.com (a website i frequently visit, owing to my disability in spelling) is 'the inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined' or 'a predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control'.

to the idiot out there (and i'm sure you're out there) it crudely means the path that has already been laid out for you and it is by this path which you will inevitably follow.

for many of this modern age, the idea of something predestined, or something that will bound happen to you, is a tough pill to swallow now isnt it? the idea that you have no control over it is also something of a stretch to accept. i mean, we live our life the way we want to live it. i mean was it already written in the stars that i'd blog about destiny? is my future from here on out already sealed in an envelope licked by the big guy himself?

now i know what youre thinking. people who dont accept destiny are those who are control freaks. well yea, some of them are control freaks, believeing that they control every aspect of their lives and no one and nothing can change this fact. well these people see only one part of destiny: the fact that it has them by the strings, and they make themselves out to be marionettes in destiny's cruel game.

here i'm not talking about destiny in parts, but destiny as it is. why would god trace out every single step of our existence, from birth to death. then wouldnt god have made us all saints, not allowing the world to be in this stupid state of trumoil that has arisen solely due to man's own stupidity? he would have made nice yellow-brick-roads for us to follow now wouldnt he?

but he didnt. the state of the world we are in and our everyday actions and thoughts are proof of this.

in my opinion, we are put on this world fro something. the way i see it, we all have something that we need to become, the final product if you will. however its the journey thats a litle bit tricky.

destiny claims to have all the kinks worked out and that everything happens as it should. i however believe that there is no road, whether yellow or bricked or whatever. there is just the end. you just have to get there on your own accord.

its not as 'independent' as it seems, mind you. the universe has your back.

taken from the alchemist by paulo coelho, 'if you really are destined for something, the whole universe conspires to help you get where you need to be'. (or something like that).

now dont go thinking that kishy's all nutty now. i'm still here! let me explain.

if you are destined to be a, for simplicity sake, a doctor, no matter how you roll the dice something medical always turns up. exams seems simple for you, youre eloquent, you meet the right people and sooner or later, voila youre a doctor, just where you need to be.

same goes for a hawker stall owner. you're not too bright but you've always known that and it doesnt upset you one bit. you are a great conversationalist, you know how to run a business and love the hustle and bustle of life. then one day a stall is up for lease and you buy it; why? you just dont know but you have a hunch. and then, before you know it, youre great at what you do and you enjoy it and cant dream of doing anything else.

however, i agree that some may not follow this and may ignore the assistance that the 'universe' so kindly and openly provides. what becomes of them? well, unfortunately it is common; people become unhappy and just feels that their life is incomplete. that is what happens to people who dont reach the end that they are suppose to, they just become unhappy and empty.

it is sad yes, but you have to understand that you can change it if you want to. you just have to, at the risk of sounding cheesy, follow your heart and do what you really want to do.

so you see what i mean? there is someplace that we all have to be and somebody that we all have to become. the end is already made, its the journey that needs completion.

friday evening saw the usual gang amd myself at white sands macdonalds, having a simple yet nostalgic goodbye dinner for suat ling.

reached home about midnight-ish and finally watched white chicks, which dear-ol'-sis rented. the show, i have to say, is pretty funny. but my stand on bimbo is still the same, they're annoying and should be obliterated from the face of the earth.

anyway, having realised that the next day was (finally) the relase of the sixth harry potter book i didnt sleep.

no no, i wasnt all that excited about it and that's not the reason why i refused the comfort of my bed. it was just that i needed to get up early to make my way to borders to get the darn book and if i did sleep, god knows there is no way i'm gonna get my ass off the bed at 530am just for a stinking book.

so i was forced to stay awake all the way till 5 plus.

left my house at about 545am and reached there 45 minutes later with the queue already in full swing. there were people dressed as witches, dressed in hogwarts school uniforms, with wands and hats... the works basically.

there's even a guy who dressed up as hagrid walking around and the moment i saw him, i really wanted to just burst out laughing and point obscenely. lol. it was hilarious.

anyway, at about 8 plus, i finally got the book and was bloody disappointed to find that it was only a dismal 600+ pages and only has 30 chapters! can you believe that? i mean the fifth book had 760+ pages and with 8 chapters more! unbelievable! ah well...

spent the whole weekend reading the book, and i have to say that the book is good. the humour, the fact the hermione and ron might actually like each other, the sobering death of a well-known figure... it was a really good start up to the final installment of the series.

now i just have to wait close to two more years for the final book. sickening thought.

computer... problems... repairman... no internet... no songs... no movies... next week...

i'm to distraught to type coherently.

celebrated my birthday with the lot last saturday. so much fun indeed! thanks you guys!

so whats so great about turning nineteen? i'll tell you... absolutely nothing. it doesnt feel any different from turning 18. sometimes, when people ask my age, i still reply 18 by mistake. why? i dunno really. maybe 19's just one of those years where nothing really means anything. just a two digit prime number.

anyway, my cpu's gone.

*readers go 'whoa?'*

well, if you remember, i said that my computer's having some trouble lately, so they took it away for some tlc and hopefully i'll get it back soon. i went 10 days without computers or the internet before today (at my cousins you see) and i wanted to put a bullet through my skull.

another form of abstinence i cannot go thorugh with.

i'm so confused.

my cousin just told me that the singapore medical board recognises some australian universities. this once again opens up the option of studying medicine. unfortunately, i'm not in the mood for having options if you know what i mean.

before this, i never considered studying medicine cept' only in s'pore because it'll be too costly to study in the uk (the exchange rate is really ridiculous). so when i got rejected, i thought, 'hey that's that'. but now australia comes strolling along and presents itself rather unexpectedly as a possibility. just when i thought i got it all planned out.

i did some research on two australian univeristy and found out that it'll cost a bomb and i'm not talking about the age ol' h-bomb here ladies and gent. we're talking a full fledged nuke. to study medicine for 6 years at uwa would cost about 400k.

400k.

my god.

its just ridiculous. on the other hand i've already been presented with a teaching scholarship and my parents dont need to fork out anything (i really mean anything) if i choose to take that up.

so on one side i can study in nus, my parents dont pay anything, get my honours and be a teacher (which is fine by the way) and on the other side, i can study at uwa, detonate the nuke, get the m.b.b.s. and be a doctor (which is what i wanna be and to be practical, it's definitely more lucrative).

argh. i hate these kinda decision makings. its extremely annoying. so for now i'm just leaving it up to my dad to see if he can afford it.

but even if he can, should i go for it?

so whats the difference with me between now and about 24 hours ago?

oh about 1 year...