my arthroscope has been scheduled for the 13th of june at ttsh, daph's birthday.

the great singapore sale is upon us and you know what? i actually feel like taking part this time and i, he who hates shopping, am totally disgusted with myself. i never ever thought that i'd ever feel the need to want to shop and buy something, but here it is. of course it is not, and probably will never be, the itch that mel feels (an itch... more like a perpetual rash) nor will i ever feel kit's slight sense of sadness or depression whenever shops start closing (which is really pathetic by the way), but again, there it is... that need to shop.

i guess i probably need to satisfy it.
soon.

just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family
we best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse
i wish i could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly
i might want to marry you one day if you watch that weight and keep your firm body

alanis morissette's hand clean

time is a really tricky thing. everytime you want something to happen, time really crawls as if to taunt, dangling the carrot right above your very nose. and everytime you're enjoying yourself, the moments where you're having fun and just really into it, time notoriously speeds up again, trying to push you back into your everyday life, taking the fun from right under your feet.

it is extremely irritating.


-men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them-

the following is taken from bbc's coupling. i dont know if any of you have heard of the show. it's kinda like friends but british and insanely funny. in this scene mr. taylor and his wife are in the operating theater where his wife is undergoing a c-section and he is talking to himself, about the whole thing as he experiences it, in his head; like a soliloquy but not spoken aloud.


i entered the theater with susan, looking like a great green teat. i had gloves, something like a hair-net and what looked like paper bags on my shoes. i was pretty sure that if they had something for my arse i'd be wearing it.

they put up a cloth at susan's chest so she didnt have to see them cut her open. kinda polite really. i hid behind the cloth and sat beside susan as a man i barely knew proceeded to cut my wife open. it was a curious feeling actually.

susan: why dont you have a look see darling. they seem to be taking a long while cutting me open.

it was then that i said the most cowardly thing i've ever said to my wife.

mr. taylor: dont worry dear, i'm sure they know what they're doing.
susan: well i sure wish they'd hurry up.
mr. taylor: don't you feel anything?
susan: well yea, but it doesnt hurt. i feel like a washing machine.

*baby is heard crying*

susan: that's our baby!
midwife: it's a boy.

after that there was more cutting and sewing up, and a blob of red mass passed me by and was put on a scale. i felt that i should have felt something but i didnt really. there was no connection. was this normal?

midwife: mr. taylor? would you like to have a look at him?
susan: well go on then. go have a see.

i walked up away from susan, glad really to get away from her getting stapled back together, to where he was, still feeling nothing that i felt i should have. i looked down. he was just really red.

susan: toes and fingers love. check for the toes and fingers.
mr taylor: (looks really lost) mmm... average. they look average. (pauses) he doesnt have any eyes though.
midwife: his eyes are shut (directing it mainly at the shocked and confused susan). its because of the light (nodding her head in the direction of the overhead lights).

so i placed my right hand slightly over his eyes, trying to block out some of the light, and slowly, he opened them. he looked straight at me... and oh my goodness me... in that moment, i became somebody.


i thought the whole thing was beautiful albeit hilarious.

if i ever get married, i wonder how i'll feel like in the operating theater with my wife when she's giving birth.

this is joanie from america's next top model cycle 6. unfortunately the show has not aired in singapore yet (i got this off the webbie), but she is really beautiful in this picture. i was just browsing each and every model's portfolio of pictures taken over the weeks and this one, taken when the girls went over to thailand, just stood out like pamela anderson's boobs at a breast cancer convention. everything from the way her hair falls down, to the pose she's putting on, to the arch that her eyebrows make... there's just something so alluring in this.

i hope she wins.

you know, it is really difficult to accept ones point of view when it really doesnt make much sense. but sense is subjective and something that makes sense might not make sense to another. but there is a limit to how much one can really accept. that is why we have diversity. but my problem is the act of accepting itself. it's so easy to nod and all that but god... it's so difficult to actually understand. i get where youre coming from but what the hell are you talking about? which planet are you from? it just doesnt seem to make sense. but then, we're back at the subjectivity of sense all over again. it's just all so difficult that it's so easy to nod to begin with.

i keep saying that people are so stupid, that they cannot understand what it is that's in front of them, but then again, maybe i'm the one that's really ignorant, not accepting what's in front of me all along, and not saying things that should've been said all this while.

nonetheless, i'd never leave a friend to fend for herself. what you did was despicable. no matter how bad the situation, you should never leave a friend high and dry. you're action and words tonight just showed how much you think of us. it was horrible. i would never do the same to you, no matter how bad the situation. i went into the same god-damn cab as you that night so that you'd get home safe. i'd never leave you by yourself. and dont give me all that bullshit about me being on a pedestal. i hate heights. so dont think i wanna be all high and mighty and righteous and everything; its ridiculous.

it is ironic that the wiser we become the more questions arise that need answering. the thought that knowledge repels ignorance is not totally correct. undoubtedly, we do straighten out certain wrinkles when we study theories, facts and laws that have been tested time and again by different academics before us, until it is almost certain to be irrefutable. but then other queries come up, and they have a way of coming up unexpectedly and rather inconveniently, suddenly crashing some of your very beliefs that momentarily, you feel quite lost. queries that have a much deeper meaning than any of newton’s laws or any facts that can be memorized and understood in a matter of minutes.

it is also interesting to note that these questions are usually about things that we have already lived with or have felt for almost all our conscious lives. things that we should, or in fact, already feel comfortable with and should have no qualms about, or things and experiences that we take for granted and accept without question. it is only upon gaining and getting acquainted with the process of questioning and not accepting everything for what it is that we develop a sense of scepticism.

we analyse, pick at, break up and take apart everything and put them back together to see if it still holds the same meaning as it did before the brutal dissection. things like religion, the possibility of a god, the existence of love, happiness, all go through our very own brand of scrutiny. and, after picking up the pieces, we feel that the matter still invokes its initial reaction with us, we are satisfied. order (that much needed innate order) is retained and we can carry on with our lives. but most of the time things continue on with their downward spiral into disbelief, a sense of loss and plain and (ironically) simple confusion.

it leaves us in a state of i-dont-know-ness and the issue will long be in our minds, juggling itself back and forth between sense and nonsense, getting us nowhere fast. and the reason we probably put ourselves through torture is because we know that we just cant live a lie and we need to get to the bottom of it. then only can any of us move on. but of course there are others that just accept, as if knowledge has not tainted their minds yet and, with innocence retained, they open thier arms wide. do they fear what the small little voice in their head might bring about? or is there no doubt at all and they do really believe, wholeheartedly and unassumingly? i personally cannot answer that question because i'm afraid i am the former of the two classes of people mentioned.

and yet, these two groups are eventually searching for the same truth that we all want to attain. we are all just derivatives of the first existentialists, trying to grope our way through, travelling different paths hoping to attain the truth for the who, what, and why concerning us. but in the end, all blind and, as mentioned, groping.

kinda sad really.

after about 4 days of dry-spell, i'm happy to say my haitus has ended. it wasnt really a dry spell, more like a i'm-just-too-lazy-to-go-about-typing-the-whole-thing-down spell. nonetheless, it has come to a close.

the 14 days i spent in taiwan were really interesting. sure the exercise itself was extremely irritating and we were all so sleep deprived. the moment the big guns announced the end we broke out in applause. and to be honest, if i had to go through one more day of that, i'd go nuts. but after all that, our holiday finally started.

it started off with a night's out in chiayi town. it really is pointless to describe its geography but it is suffice to say that it's some busy town somewhere in taiwan (like that helped at all right?). anyway, we boarded the bus that took us from camp to town. unfortunately after walking aimlessly for quite a while at the carrefour (is that how its spelt?) there, we were done. the town was so boring and so warm in the afternoon that the fact that we had the whole day to spend there became more like torture instead of a treat. the night market next to the carrefour was obviously closed and were hours away from opening.

however we finally decided to head for the train station which was suppose to be close by. it wasnt. we walked and walked and walked until we finally hit the train station. it was bustling with activity (below) and this part of chiayi looked more like the town promised rather than the place where we were let off.



we bumbed into others who were also there and we got information of some clothes district down the road (this road was crazy long). so we decided to travel down. my legs were already aching when i reached the district but the much-repressed shopaholic in me must have stashed some adrenaline or something somewhere because the moment i saw the clothes store, i was rejuvinated. lol. after that it was just a blur of buying clothes, food and more food. we decided to take a cab back to the meeting point and to pay a short visit to the aforementioned night market next to carrefour.

as you can see, it is like all night-markets: bustling with activity, full of people, food, games and various combinations of all those above.

the next day, was the day we were scheduled to leave our camp, and after having spent about 10 plus days there, we were all happy to pack our bags and just leave. we boarded yet another bus that took us all the way to kaohsiung city located somewhere at the southern region of taiwan. it was a long ride but we, eventually, did reach our destination: citizen hotel.

that up there is a picture taken by alvin of our room. it wasnt too bad and it was comfortable. plus it had a toilet! no more squatting. of course the next thing we did after dumping all our stuff and taking a (hot) shower was to go out and have lunch and a look-see.

i believe that this was my first lunch i had during my r & r in taiwan. looks good doesnt it? well it fills you up real good as well and it costs about seven sing dollars i think. the rest of the 3 days and 2 nights were a blur of shopping, food and sight-seeing. we visited night markets, shopping districts and food stalls. bought clothes, shoes and goodies and still went back for more every day.

travelling with friends is so much more fun and interesting when compared to travelling with my parents. they are so stifling and so cautious that its suffocating. this was so much more liberating and just plain enjoyable. plus it's not that difficult to get around in taiwan. taxi's are relatively cheap, most of the stuff are within walking distances of each other and food is never a problem.

hopefully after army me travelling (with friends mind you) will be more frequent.