i think i'll have love with a side of forever
i had a very interesting conversation with yif the other day (i have to say that even though the boy is pigheaded as hell, he has the most insightful things to say when you give him the chance to… and, on a totally different point, it way too creepy how we’re really alike we are and how we seem to be going through similar issues). to sum it up, it boiled down to idea that loving someone is a choice we make. the first time i heard this idea was from another friend, and i have to say (this will come as no surprise to those who know me well) that i was quite against it. the fact that we choose to love someone seemed extremely unromantic, that the whole sh-bang of falling in love with someone is suddenly nullified. i mean, how can you expect to 'fall' in love with someone if you are making a conscious choice to love that someone? sure you can choose to be together, choose to get married and make a whole other range of choices to do with the relationship, but to choose to love...? it just seemed to contradict with everything i believed love to be and mean for me. worst of all, it made love no longer special.
but thinking about it for a bit made me realise that choosing to love someone could just be the hard cold truth that i just did not want to accept. maybe there is no fairy tale romance, no perfect someone out there, no 'falling'. you just find someone that makes you as happy as you do them and you choose to love them, you work hard at the relationship to make it work. you deal with the flaws and you compromise. in fact, i realise that i say stuff like "i want my current relationship to work". doesnt that imply that i am making a choice, for it to be a long term thing? nonetheless, i still find this very difficult to swallow (i guess most honest statments are). maybe its just me, in the process of shedding A BIT of my Romantic notions of love and me maybe confusing like/infatuation with love. i mean, infatuation and merely liking someone can come like that, the way people describe it in books and the way we see in movies, but i guess love takes time and (grudgingly i say this) choice.
this idea has forced me to think about my relationship. there was the said infatuation/like and the happy honeymoon period as it is so (annoyingly) called followed. do i love her? not yet, not in that way. there are things about her i not only do not like, but am not sure if i do, and i'm pretty sure there are things about me she dislikes as well, but as i said before, i want to make this work. why? is it because i think she's the one? or is it because i just dont wanna be alone or have reached that age where i think i should be with someone? i dont know the answer really. it's definitely not the latter but i really dont know if she's the one yet. i mean its only been barely 2 months.
should i know already? when do i choose to fall in love or not? and if the answer given to me is a sagely "you'll know when", which implies innate knowledge, then is it really a choice after all?
GAH. i'm driving myself insane with this back and forth-ness.
i had a very interesting conversation with yif the other day (i have to say that even though the boy is pigheaded as hell, he has the most insightful things to say when you give him the chance to… and, on a totally different point, it way too creepy how we’re really alike we are and how we seem to be going through similar issues). to sum it up, it boiled down to idea that loving someone is a choice we make. the first time i heard this idea was from another friend, and i have to say (this will come as no surprise to those who know me well) that i was quite against it. the fact that we choose to love someone seemed extremely unromantic, that the whole sh-bang of falling in love with someone is suddenly nullified. i mean, how can you expect to 'fall' in love with someone if you are making a conscious choice to love that someone? sure you can choose to be together, choose to get married and make a whole other range of choices to do with the relationship, but to choose to love...? it just seemed to contradict with everything i believed love to be and mean for me. worst of all, it made love no longer special.
but thinking about it for a bit made me realise that choosing to love someone could just be the hard cold truth that i just did not want to accept. maybe there is no fairy tale romance, no perfect someone out there, no 'falling'. you just find someone that makes you as happy as you do them and you choose to love them, you work hard at the relationship to make it work. you deal with the flaws and you compromise. in fact, i realise that i say stuff like "i want my current relationship to work". doesnt that imply that i am making a choice, for it to be a long term thing? nonetheless, i still find this very difficult to swallow (i guess most honest statments are). maybe its just me, in the process of shedding A BIT of my Romantic notions of love and me maybe confusing like/infatuation with love. i mean, infatuation and merely liking someone can come like that, the way people describe it in books and the way we see in movies, but i guess love takes time and (grudgingly i say this) choice.
this idea has forced me to think about my relationship. there was the said infatuation/like and the happy honeymoon period as it is so (annoyingly) called followed. do i love her? not yet, not in that way. there are things about her i not only do not like, but am not sure if i do, and i'm pretty sure there are things about me she dislikes as well, but as i said before, i want to make this work. why? is it because i think she's the one? or is it because i just dont wanna be alone or have reached that age where i think i should be with someone? i dont know the answer really. it's definitely not the latter but i really dont know if she's the one yet. i mean its only been barely 2 months.
should i know already? when do i choose to fall in love or not? and if the answer given to me is a sagely "you'll know when", which implies innate knowledge, then is it really a choice after all?
GAH. i'm driving myself insane with this back and forth-ness.
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